


Selfish

by Belneptune



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: AI Chiaki, Angst, Bandaid is background, Boys Kissing, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Foreshadowing, Grief/Mourning, Hajime is a tsundere and it shows, Hinanami is one-sided, Kissing, Komaeda Nagito Being Komaeda Nagito, Komahina - Freeform, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Cancer, Neo World Program (Dangan Ronpa), No Beta we Die Like Enbys, One-Sided Attraction, Post-Neo World Program (Dangan Ronpa), Psychological Trauma, Slow Burn, Spoilers, Unrequited Love, monokuma's words not mine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:06:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27665155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belneptune/pseuds/Belneptune
Summary: "Please, don't forget. From the bottom of my heart... I am truly in love with..."The untold scenes that happend on Neo-World Program, where Nagito constantly feel tempted to surrender to his selfishness towards Hajime...And everything that came after.Spoilers for the entire game and the anime!!!!
Relationships: Hinata Hajime & Mioda Ibuki, Hinata Hajime & Nanami Chiaki, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Hinata Hajime/Nanami Chiaki, Komaeda Nagito & Sonia Nevermind, Komaeda Nagito & Tsumiki Mikan, Mioda Ibuki/Tsumiki Mikan, Nanami Chiaki/Sonia Nevermind
Comments: 42
Kudos: 312





	1. Byakuya's Party

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write something for them now that I'm playing the game again. Komahina is my main comfort ship and I just thought the idea was cute. Is not very well-written but I hope you like it!

It's been like, two days? 

  
But Hajime felt comfortable around him. More than anyone else, Nagito has been helping him in so many ways. 

  
He waited for Hajime to wake up, that first day in the beach, when everyone else went to do their own thing. And truly, Hinata could not complain about having that guy under the sun, with a concerned look in his face, as his first sight after waking up. 

  
He went even further, tagging along with him and helping him introduce to everyone else. 

  
And when they spent some time together at the beach, he made Hajime feel good for the first time they arrived in the island. He was able to laugh and smile around the other, and able to temporarily forget all the worries inside of his head. 

  
By the way, that smile of his... It was so mysterious, it made the brunette uneasy, and exactly for that reason Hajime just couldn't be more hypnotized by it. By him, entirely, if he was being honest. 

  
So when Byakuya's party started, he had to aproach him. It was like there was some kind of magnetism pulling him to the other. 

  
Nagito was leaning against the wall on the corner, near to the air conditioner. He had a small smile, observing the other ultimates going around, his hands inside the pockets of his jeans. 

  
"Hey, Nagito." He greeted, standing next to him. The other went out of the trance he seemed to be at, and he smile widenned at the sight of his friend. 

.

Nagito couldn't say he was completely calm, not when the thrill of being murdered soon rushed through his body. So he leaned against the wall, next to the power cord he would need to follow and observed the amazing ultimates around him. 

  
It would be his last moment seeing their hopes shining alive. But he knew his death would be a great stepping stone for them to shine even brighter. He tried to contain his smile. Couldn't have them seeing that side of him, not now. 

  
It would ruin the mood. 

  
But someone took him of his spiralling thoughts. 

  
"Hey, Nagito." 

  
_Oh_. It was him. 

  
Nagito didn't exactly know why. He liked to think it was because they both loved Hope's Peak Academy. But somehow... it felt more than that. Something just made him feel... things... towards Hajime. 

  
_A lot_ of things. 

  
He smiled dumbly, closing his eyes for a small second in the process, and waved. He was sure the smile back was just out of pity, because there was no way such an amazing person like Hajime Hinata would smile at him genuinly. 

  
"Hello again, Hajime." Nagito turned his head at his direction. 

  
"So..." There was a small awkward moment, where Hajime was fidgeting wiith his fingers, unsure of what to say. "Are you having fun?" 

  
"I'm glad everyone seems to be having a good time." Nagito tried not to stare, but it was becoming hard. Why did Hajime have to have those captivating eyes?  
They almost made Nagito want to be selfish. 

  
"That's not what I asked." The other raised an eyebrow. 

  
"I'm honored that you want to know anything about someone like me." Nagito chuckled. "But since you asked... yes. I'm having a good time, I suppose. You?" 

.

  
Hajime leaned against the wall next to him, tunring his body to the side, and so did Nagito, so they were both supporting each other against their arms and... they were _close_. 

  
Close enough for Hajime to see the barely-there freckles on Nagito's nose and his white eyelashes fluttering shut and open everytime he blinked. Was it normal to notice such things? 

  
"Yes. I am having fun." He answered. "And it's thanks to you." 

  
Nagito looked at him in surprise. "Me? How come?" 

  
Hajime felt warmth flowing through his cheeks, no longer able to look at he other. 

  
"B-Because... You've been helping me so much." He said, in a bashfull tone, feeling like a complete idiot. "You helped me introduce to everyone and calmed me. Nagito, I'd probably still freaking out here if it wasn't for you."

  
. 

Komaeda was sure he was blushing like an idiot right now. Him, a savior? Not in a million years. But to hear that... 

  
What a marvelous way to spend his last moments indeed. 

  
"You don't need to thank me, Hajime." He smiled, containing a stutter. 

  
"Yeah I do, shut up." The other said, with no actual bite. "I owe you one." There was that small, calm grin Hajime always gave him. The one that made him not able to think straight (in any possible way).

  
They were so close... And Nagito felt disgusting for feeling so good. But it was undeniable that he liked this. 

  
This was his last chance right? He was going to die in twenty five minutes. 

  
He sighed heavily, staring at the other's eyes, with a guilty smile, making his decision. "I'm sorry for this." 

.

Hajime's face turned into a questioning gaze, seconds before that tall, white-haired, misterious guy, that made him so tranquil in the past, closed all space between them. 

  
They were still in the middle of the dinning hall and anyone could see them, but if they did, no one said a word about it. 

  
Nagito's lips were dry, but still soft, while they kissed slowly, lightly. He felt a hand pulling his tie gently, and he wrapped his hand around Nagito's neck, tangling his fingers through white, messy hair. 

  
There was no tongue, nothing too deep. It was so feather-light it was making Hajime's head spin and the butterflies in his stomach go wild. 

  
. 

  
Nagito could feel his heart racing inside his chest, a million thoughts going through his head at the same time. 

  
Hajime didn't shove him away. Actually, Hajime pulled him closer. What was this feeling? He couldn't keep from feeling an intense happiness and an intense sadness as well. 

  
He wanted this. He wanted more of this. 

  
He wanted this for longer. 

  
God, what a disgusting selfish trash Nagito was. But he couldn't help the fact that he stil desired it. 

  
Deciding he tortured Hajime too much with his selfishness, he pulled away, sighing again, in a much more soft tone then, panting lighly. 

  
He kept his eyes closed, feeling the deep blush on his cheeks, and the speed his heart was racing. 

  
He was truly lucky, huh? 

  
.

  
Hajime felt... overwhelmed. But in a good way. He slowly opened his eyes, just to meet grey ones looking at him, filled with uneasiness and doubt. 

  
He could relate. 

  
What should he do with those feelings now? Or with himself, completely? 

  
He stared at the pretty face in front of him. 

  
"I..." Nagito started talking, but he lost his words, biting his lip, looking away from the other boy. 

  
Hajime brushed his cheek with his thumb, and took a white strand of hair out of his eyes, placing it behing his ear. 

  
He aproached Nagito one more time and gave him a peck on his lips. 

  
"I... think I'm going to get something to drink." He stepped back a little, but still whispered. "I will be back soon, okay?" 

  
So Hajime walked away, to the food table. 

  
.

Nagito cursed his luck cycle. He cursed it with everything he had. But it couldn't be helped. Nothing would change. The lights would go down in five minutes. 

  
And then Nagito would be dead. 

  
Inside of him he just kept a silly, stupid hope... That Hajime would not forget him completely after he was gone. 

  
He could just hope...

  
And for a split second, he wished he didn't die, for some miracle, if it would mean he had any small chance of kissing Hajime Hinata again.


	2. On the Bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to keep going! I hope you enjoy it! I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is completely Hajime's P. O. V. Also, tell me if you think Im doing a good job on portraying them!

After leaving Fuyuhiko and the others at the hospital, Hajime saw Nagito at the bridge leading to the First Island, walking towards it. 

  
The sun was setting above them, letting the sea water sparkle beneath the bridge in yellowish shades. 

  
Hajime tried not to sigh. He was pretty much done with Nagito's crap. Even if he didn't have anything to do with the second case and actually helped, on his own, twisted way, he was still not to be trusted. The white-haired boy walked ahead of him, with his hands on his pockets. He didn't seem to have noticed Hajime yet. 

  
That fluffly white hair was as usual, all over the place, but the soft wind and the sunset light made the strands even more hypnotising. If Hajime wished, it was close enough to touch it...

  
"So, how is Fuyuhiko?" Nagito asked, still not looking back to where Hajime was. 

  
And there goes the theory he hadn't noticed the other boy. Well, he should have seen it coming. This time, Hajime didn't keep his sighing to himself.

  
"Mikan is taking care of him." Hajime simply said. He had to stop looking at that hair. 

  
"I'm sure he is going to be okay then, since Mikan is the Ultimate Nurse! I'm sure he will be able to overcome his despair, like a true ultimate!" Nagito said, in that cheerful tone that always sent Hajime chills down his spine. 

  
"...What abou you, Nagito?" Hajime suddenly said, almost feeling the urge to reach out to Nagito and walk side to side with him.

  
"Me?" Nagito asked, still not looking back at Hajime, but at the soft ocean waves that crashed on the bridge's side in a peaceful sound. 

  
"Yeah, when you will overcome your despair or whatever?" Hajime asked, almost bumping into the taller boy that has suddenly stop walking. 

  
"...I'm not capable of such an incredible thing like overcoming despair. I'm just a lowly, pathetic human being. That's why I am perfect as a stepping stone!" He answered, and his laidback smile would be heard if that was possible.

  
Hajime couldn't understand him. Not at all. But a great part of him (bigger than he would ever like to admit) wanted to. It had to exist a reason why Nagito felt that way. A reason Nagito thought so bad about himself when in fact he was so... 

  
Wait, what was that thought process? Whatever, Hajime had to reply. 

  
"I'm getting pretty tired of this speech of yours, you know?" Is that really what he wanted to say? He wasn't sure. 

  
"Hah, I guess that's true... Even my rambling is useless. I'm sorry you have to listen to me, Hajime..." Nagito finally turned in his direction. Crap. It was better if he didn't. 

  
Because now Hajime had to deal with the sight of those sparkling grayish eyes, and porcelain skin illuminated by what was left of the sunlight.

  
If only the real Nagito was the one he first met... The one that laughed with him, that calmed him and that... kissed him at Byakuya's party, just moments before his mask finally fell off. 

  
If only he could talk some sense into that guy... Then... What? Hajime wasn't sure. 

  
"You don't need to apologize, Nagito... Just stop talking so badly about yourself." Hajime said, trying really hard not to stare so much. He was sure he was failing, though. 

  
Komaeda smiled at him. A different, more genuine smile that time. "Well, if you want to, Hajime... Then I will not speak about it again, at least for today." 

  
"Good." Hajime gulped. "Or I might really have to shut you up." For some reason, his cheeks heated up saying that. 

  
Nagito widened his eyes, and then chuckled quietly.   
"That surely is a scary thought." He looked into Hajime's eyes, and it was such a warm stare, probably because of the red and orange scenario around him. 

  
"You are a weird guy and I can't trust you anymore but... I know for a fact you are not... completely useless." God, Hajime needed to stay in control of his emotions. He couldn't just keep mesmerized for Nagito's looks. 

  
Komaedas eyes widened a little and he gave an hesitant step foward. 

  
"You shouldn't say something like this to me... I'm not worthy of your kindness." Nagito let out a shaky breath, while analysing Hajime's face. What was that guy thinking? 

  
"I just told you, stop talking like that about yourself!" Hajime shouted suddenly, feeling cornered, even though the conversation wasn't about him at all. 

  
"And what if don't? What are you gonna do?" Nagito got even closer this time. Hajime then noticed how he smelt like cotton and lavander. He knew that smell. He could still feel it faintly in his clothes when he headed out of the first class trial. 

  
He remembered feeling so much sadness and betrayal over a single scent on his shirt... 

  
Hajime didn't know how to answer the taller boy's question. He could only stare at those clear eyes. 

  
"I... would..." Would what? Hajime certainly did not think this through. Nagito had that challenging grin between his lips (not that Hajime was staring, not at all) while both of them stood there, in the middle of the bridge. It wouldn't be long until someone saw them there...

  
Then again, everyone was in the room when they first kissed. But that was before Nagito proved to be a bad guy. But was he really? Hajime just couldn't read him at all. 

  
"What do you want to do, Hajime?" Nagito asked, just above a whisper, almost having his words taken by the noise of the waves crashing against the pilars of the bridge under them.

  
Hajime didn't know what came to him when he fisted a hand in Nagito's shirt and pulled him closer. It was so fast that the other boy almost lost his ballance, holding onto Hajime's arms, while staring at those olive eyes. 

  
And it was almost with a sense of pride that Hajime realised that Nagito was caught of guard for a second.

  
Both of them stood still for what it seemed like about an eternity and neither of them would be able to tell who made the move. But their lips touched and it send sparkles down Hajime's body, just like in the first time. He was kissing Nagito Komaeda in the middle of the bridge that all his friends were going to go through to get back to the hotel. 

  
It wasn't a gentle kiss like before. It was frustraded, mainly on Hajime's part, and almost angsty, as far as much angst a kiss can carry. 

  
One of Nagito's hand went to the back of Hajime's neck an the other wrapped around his waist. 

  
Hajime realised he was thinking something he also thought in the first time. Kissing Nagito was just so... familiar, somehow. Like it was something they've been doing for years... 

  
What a strange thought. 

  
Nagito pulled Hajime closer and licked the other boy's bottom lip, almost as if asking for permition to enter, which Hajime complied easily, trying very hard not to produce any noises. 

  
His tongues clashes together, explorling each other's mouths and Hajime had to surpress a gasp when Nagito dragged his teeth on his bottom lip, with a small grin. 

  
When they pushed back, both of them were breathless. Hajime then heard a small laugh, and looked over Komaeda, who touched his lips with one of his hands, while the other was still on Hajime's waist. 

  
"Kissing a guy like me again... This will do you absolute no good, Hajime." There was a pause there. A diferent look. If Hajime wasn't looking, he would have missed it, but he definetly saw it- A side from Nagito that was still unknown. Then he went back to speaking. "Can we... no. I'm sorry, I was having selfish thoughts." Nagito rambled, not looking at Hajime's eyes any longer. 

  
God, Hajime wanted to kiss him again. Why the hell did it feel so good? He aproached Nagito without a second thought, giving him small kisses, trying without much success not to make them last too much. 

  
Realisation finally hit him then. He separated from Nagito once more. He looked at the boy's face. He looked expectant, hopeful, even. It didn't have any masks there, Hajime could see that. Hajime tried to pull away from Nagito, who opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. 

  
"I'm sorry. I've kept you for too long." Nagito said, letting go of Hajime, looking away. He seemed almost sad about it. 

  
Hajime stopped looking at him. What the heck was he thinking? He should just go. 

  
"Let's... forget that." Hajime said, looking at the sea. The sun was completely gone now, and the abnormal stars that decorated every single night on Jabberwock Island started to appear. 

  
"I don't think I will be able to, Hajime... God, I'm so useless I can't even do what you tell me to..." For a moment, Hajime thought he was done talking. "But I just can't forget it. I'm truly lucky that you was crazy enough to kiss me, haha... Don't worry though. Is not like have any expectations this will ever happen again, so you can just live on with your life, Hajime. I won't tell anyone either." And then, that weird smile was back - his walls were all up again. Hajime couldn't stand looking at it, not now he knew Nagito could give a better one. 

  
"Okay... I guess. Bye." Hajime said, turning his back to Nagito. 

  
"You know... I wonder if the reason I survived that party was just because I wanted to kiss you again so bad that my luck acted up." It was so quiet, that Hajime thought he imagined hearing it. But it was his imagination. He would never be able to come up with something so... So... 

  
He sprinted away from the other, his entire body all too hot for the chilly breeze of early evening. 

  
Nagito stayed a bit longer looking at the ocean, selfishly wishing Hajime kissed him again soon. Or maybe... he just wished he could kiss him forever. 


	3. In the Library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hajime chooses to spend time with Nagito, despite his best judgement...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally decided how this is going to work. Hope you like it!

Nagito was secretly wishing that Hajime followed him to the library. A silly, selfish wish, that would not come true whatsoever. 

  
But he was still wishing it. 

  
Everything was calm, for now, and Nagito had time to consider if he was going to become a killer this time. Maybe Haime could kill him right there! 

  
Pinned against the table, the books that were once on it scattering around on the floor while Hajime pressed his body further and... 

  
Oh wait, that was a different fantasy. 

  
Oh well, nothing he could do about it, so he just hummed to himself, thinking of all the ways he could possibly entertain someone as wonderfully filled with hope such as Hajime.

  
Maybe even mentioning his fantasies would make him hate Nagito though... Well, not that he would blame Hajime if he eventually did see how lowly trash Nagito trully was and decided to hate him. For some reason though, Nagito couldn't see any hope coming from it.

  
He was deep in thought, when that pointy ahoge came through the library door. 

  
He was indeed suprised, when Hajime asked to spend time with him. Not that it bothered him at all! In fact, he kept thinking about what kind of bad luck would come from the amazing priviledge of talking to Hajime. 

  
"H-hey, I got this from the Mono-Mono Machine... I know you like those energy drinks." The brunetter handed him the yellow and blue can, not looking at Komaeda. 

  
Maybe he should have, because the smile that grew on his face was pure and genuine. "Hajime...um..." He had to surpress the tingly feeling on his heart. "I don't know how to say this, but..." The other glared at him, with an annoyed frown, waiting. "This is the first time I ever received a gift that made me this happy... Thank you." He smiled again, and this time Hajime saw it. 

  
He felt his face heating up, and looked at the other side. It was just an energetic. Why was he treating it like he had given him something out of this world? 

  
Nagito hummed happily, no self-awareness at all, while he opened the can of Blue Ram and took a sip. He looked at the other, giggling. 

  
"You have a scary look on your face. You don't have to be so cautious you know, I won't do anything." That seemed to take Hajime by surprise, and he blinked at him, his eyebrows furrowing furder.

  
Nagito could see the thoughts forming on the other's head. Hinata was just too easy to read. But Nagito actually found that pretty cute. Not that he would ever think on saying that out loud. Instead, he decided to tease the other further. "Ah... Are you thinking about doing _something_ to me?" He smiled enlarged. "That's wonderful. I'm totally up for it. I don't mind at all!" He stepped closer, looking at how Hajime's cheeks darkened at that. 

  
"Don't mess with me!" He tried to sound confident, but he was still blushing. Huh. It was so enteirtaining to make him flustered. "I... will never go along with your plans!" Hajime spat, looking away. 

  
Oh.

  
So _that's_ how interpreted what he said. 

  
Well, it was one way of seeing it. 

  
He chuckled. "That's a problem."

  
The two kept talking, Hajime clearly trying to get a grasp on Nagito's way of seeing the world. Sometimes, he would get distracted by the way the Ultimate Luck smiled, or how his eyes sparkled when talking about hope. 

  
He wanted to get closer... 

  
But he didn't. 

  
He just stared at Nagito's lips everytime he thought Nagito wasn't looking. Everytime he turned to put a book away, or when he stared at his hands, or when he played with the now empty can of Blue Ram. 

  
Why did he feel like this? It was like something always pulled him towards the other. He shouldn't feel like that. Not when he could talk to anyone else. Not when he could feel attracted to other people. 

  
Well, he did feel some sort of attraction towards Chiaki. A safer one. She was never scary, nor were the feelings related to her. So why was he talking to Nagito?

  
Why was he thinking about kissing Nagito _again?_

  
"I know I'm not interesting at all, and I completely understand that I'm making you bored, but could you please at least say it to my disgusting face?" That took Hajime from his thoughts. "Not that I would blame you if you didn't, since you are just too kind to me." Nagito chuckled. 

  
"I-I'm sorry... I was... thinking about something." Why was he apologizing to Nagito of all people? 

  
"Oh, yes, I've been meaning to ask..." Hajime raised a brow at that. "Is there something on my mouth? You've been staring at my lips rather intensily." 

  
That made Hajime audibly gasp. So he did notice. Was he being sarcastic? Or did Nagito not realise at all? How could Hajime get out of that situation? Why was he so foccused on expectant greyish eyes, that aproached him a little while talking?

  
He shouldn't kiss Nagito. 

  
Hajime couldn't be that weak around that hope-maniac, could he? 

  
He was _so close._

  
And he smelt a bit like lavander. His eyes were such a weird color. A mix of green and grey that Hajime couldn't really name and that made him positively hypnotized on them, even though they weren't swirling between hope and despair. 

  
"What are you thinking about, Hajime?" It came like a whisper, and the brunette was feeling trapped between the books and Nagito, the light from the window catching on his white hair just like in the day they first met at the beach. 

  
Oh, yeah, Nagito had made him questions. He should answer, right? But his throat felt so dry, and his thought process were spreading everywhere. 

  
"I..." He started saying, not really sure where that statement was going to lead him to. Why was this, _why was Nagito_ , so difficult? 

  
And at the same time, it seemed so easy. So easy to move further and touch the lips he'd been earning for with his own. 

  
But he didn't. 

  
"Y-You are just imagining things." He said, looking away. 

  
That had the other chuckling, though Hajime almost heard a tone of bitterness on it. 

  
"I apologize for my filthy imagination, then." He stepped back. 

  
Hajime felt uncomfortable. But wasn't he uncomfortable before? He thought he was. So why is he feeling worse now that they are far away? It was like Nagito built a wall around him, just like the day on the bridge, and it made him taste bitterness all the same. 

  
And Hajime hated it. 

  
"I guess I will be on my way then." Nagito said, taking another step back, Hajime taking one foward by reflex. That made the white-haired hesitate for a second, with uncertain eyes, searching for something on Hajime's olive ones. 

  
But there was nothing on there but confusion and embarassement. For some reason, Nagito wasn't having fun anymore. "Bye." He said, waving, before stepping out of the library. 

  
After hearing what Nagito had to say and watch him walk away, Hajime went back to his cottage, choosing to spend time with Chiaki next. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost made them kiss again but... I have plans for next chapter.


	4. Hajime's Cottage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to split it in two chapters because it was much bigger than usual!

Hajime was walking around the islands after talking to Sonia. He just wanted some time to think on his own, so he entered the library, assuming it would be empty by that time. It was almost time for the sunset, so he just figured no one would be there and he would be able to enjoy some sweet alone time.

  
He liked most fo his classmates, it was just hard to keep up with their... _colorful_... personalities sometimes.

  
He entered the place silently, looking a little around the first floor. He wasn't sure if he wanted to read anything that deep, so he just went upstairs to the second floor, where he was sure he saw some manga. 

  
He went directly to the destined shelf, not paying much attention to anything else but the options in front of him. He layed his eyes on one he particularly liked, about bodyshifting and a meteorite.

  
He took the book from the shelf, humming to himself distractedly. 

  
"Hello there!" 

  
"WAAAAH!" Hajime shouted, dropping the manga on the floor. 

  
Nagito could swear he saw the other boy's ahoge get spikier at that.

  
_Nagito._

  
_Of course._

  
Of course he had to be there, sitting quietly on the small sofa between two shelves, getting direct sunlight from the window across the room. He grinned at Hajime, innocently. 

  
"Fucking christ, Nagito." Hajime muttered. "Can you not do that?" 

  
That made him chuckle, supporting his chin on the back of his hand, while his elbow was in the sofa's arm. "Don't you think it would be rather rude of me, not greeting you when we are in the same space?" 

  
Hajime just groaned at that, leaning foward to get the dropped comic book. 

  
And then that strange urge came over him, again.

  
"Well, since you are here..." he said, looking at the maganize, and than at Nagito. "Do you want to spend time together?" 

  
Nagito's smile was smaller then. For most, that would probably mean they'd been let down, but not Nagito. Hajime could see how genuine that small smile was, over the large, signature grin on the Ultimate Luck's face. 

  
"I'll do my best to keep you entertained, Hajime!" 

  
And so they sat together, reading, and talking about Nagito's talent. It was still hard for Hajime to understand it, but at least he could make some sort of sense of it... Although it was so incredibly twisted, Nagito had such a blind faith towards his luck, that Hajime couldn't help but wonder what drove him to think that way. 

  
And suddenly Hajime thought... that spending time with Nagito Komaeda wasn't that bad. 

  
They were back to reading, and Hajime was losing track of the time. It was when he looked at his side, just to see Nagito sleeping while he sat, the book he was reading still on his hands, open. 

  
Hajime scoffed silently and placed the book down. He looked outside. They still had some time. He didn't want to wake the other and letting him alone sleeping out in the open shouldn't be a good idea. 

  
So he just went back to his manga, that was getting close to his favorite part. When he finished, the boy just got the next volume, totally foccused on the story, ready to cry about the next part, until he heard the person sleeping next to him mumble. 

  
He looked at Nagito's pained expression. What was happening? He had sweat on his forehead and his breathing was coming fast. Nagito furrowed his brows on his sleep and whined in a way that almost looked... Afraid?

  
Was Nagito having a nightmare?

  
Then, his hole body froze and his eyes shot open, Nagito gasping with the realisation that he was awake.

  
"H-Hey..." 

  
The voice just seemed to make Nagito more on edge, looking only foward, his nails digging on the sofa's fabric. 

  
Then his shoulders slumped, and he finally blinked, making Hajime let out a breath he didn't know he was holding until then. 

  
"Are you okay?" Hajime tried saying as soft as possible. Still, he couldn't believe he was trying to give Nagito some kind of comfort. 

  
He heard the other laugh awkwardly, but there was no humor on his face. "How pathetic of me... I should just rot and die f-for bothering you..." His tone was completely flawed and Nagito's gray eyes seemed paler. 

  
The sun set deeper and the sky colors were starting to get more tones of orange and darkness.

  
"I-I should go...." 

  
Nagito rushed out, not looking at Hajime, that wasn't able to say a word to stop him. 

  
The brunette just stood there for about two minutes until he finally noticed he should follow Nagito. It was no good to leave him alone while havinga reaction like that. 

  
So he followed.

  
Nagito was at the private beach, looking at the sea, fidgeting with his hands. 

  
"Why are you...?" Nagito started, seemly annoyed. 

  
"There's no way I will leave someone alone when they're looking that pale." Hajime said, a sad, small smile on his face.

  
That hit Nagito like a meteorite (hah, what a terrible metaphor considering the nightmare he just had...). He remembered the first moments on that island, when he sincerily thought everything would be simply dull and hopeless, and they'd just stay there until Usami let them out. 

  
Before the killing game. 

  
When he waited for Hajime to wake up and introduced him to everyone. 

  
He scoffed bitterly.

  
"Ha... Using my words against me, I see... A tactic befitting of an impressive Ultimate..." It sounded more like a mutter than actual praise. 

  
Nagito was still shaken and he hated to show his despairful side. 

  
He trully was utter garbage. 

  
Hajime stared at him and sighed, looking like he had just made the worst decision of his life. Still, his gut feeling strangely told him he could make a lot of worst ones... Whata strange thought. 

  
"Come." He simply said. 

  
"Huh?"

  
"Let's go to my cottage already. You will end up doing something stupid or very bad if I leave you alone." Hajime said, a pained look on his face.

  
"I-I couldn't possibly intrude..." Nagito stepped back, all the voices inside his head telling him different courses of action. 

  
"Shut up." Hajime replied so curtly that Nagito flinched again. That made the brunette rethink, his voice in a more quiet tone then. "Just... Come on. I'm the one asking you to, so don't feel like you're making me do this." 

  
Nagito blinked at the other, clear uncredibility written all over his face. He opened his mouth to protest again, but remembered that Hajime had told him to shut up. So he justs stared with very big eyes while the other turned around, still looking at him, and went back to the tunel that let to the diner. 

  
They went back to the hotel in complete silence, Nagito's gaze almost opening holes into Hajime's skull.

  
Komaeda couldn't help but wonder what kind of bad luck would come from such a kind act from Hajime. He was allowing Nagito to sleep in the same espace as him, no, better, he _asked_ him to do so. 

  
It wouldn't be a surprise if a person he knows just had died!

  
Hajime stood in front of his own cottage for a second, rather awkwardly, looking at the other. But he couldn't let Nagito see his hesitancy, or he would back down to a self-depracating tangent again, and Hajime was really not in the right headspace for that. 

  
But what was his headspace good for actually?

At that moment that Nagito stepped in his cottage, a fake smile was on his lips. 

  
He heard the taller boy chuckle. "This is rather pathetic, Hajime... I'm sure you can come up with a better place to kill me than this." He stared at his hand. "Than again, you would be such an obvious prime suspect people might think it's a trap made by the true killer. So by all means, go on!" He said rather cheery, his smile much larger now. 

  
Hajime was taken aback by that, not knowing what to say for a longer time than he should. Nagito's eyes widenned in surprise. 

  
"Oh? So I was right after all? I can't believe I could understand a plan made by an Ultimate that easily! I should feel honored. After all, someone as amazing was you is making time of their day to kill someone like me." He chuckled again, gesturing with his hands rather intensily, as usual. 

  
Hajime finally found his voice after that. "What? No!" He said, stepping back. "Nagito, I did not ask you to come here for that." He sighed heavily, looking at anything but the boy in front of him. 

  
Nagito tilted his head to the side, looking confused again. "Then... why _did_ you call me, Hajime?" 

  
The movement made Hinata look at the other again, and the face Nagito was making made him feel something... Rather weird. Like butterflies. But that was just nonsense. Chiaki was supposed to make him feel like that. Not _Nagito_ of all people. 

  
He sighed again, and then sat on the bed. "I just don't want you walking around alone after having a nightmare." Hajime said, trying to sound non-chalant. 

  
"Oh, I see! So you wish to keep an eye to make sure I don't take part on anything shady, right?" Nagito smiled again, aproaching the place where Hajime was in smooth, calculated movements. 

  
Hajime crossed his arms, suddenly unsure of himself. "Y-Yes?" He didn't have to be so transparent about it though, good lord! 

  
"But, Hajime..." Wait, Nagito was close. He was getting closer. He leaned in on the bed, his arms supporing him on each side of where Hajime sat. "What if I decide to do something shady _with_ you?" 

  
Hajime was generally an oblivious person. Trully, it was something he needed to work on. But he did notice that Nagito said _with him_ and not _to him_. Although he wasn't exactly sure what that meant, he felt his cheeks grow warm at the difference. 

  
"You will not." Hajime said, gulping, trying to sound certain of it. He shouldn't participate on whatever Nagito was trying to start there. But his eyes betrayed him. 

  
He broke the intense stare of gray, warm, eyes to look at the pink lips that smirked at him, getting even closer. And it didn't exactly go unnoticed. 

  
"Scum like me shouldn't even be allowed to ask, but I am very curious about what you are thinking right now." Nagito whispered.

  
But Hajime couldn't form coherent thoughts, much less speak. He just wanted to get closer... To break all that _tension_ , that had been building up between the two of them since the day before. To eliminate that damn wall Nagito insisted to keep up all the time around everyone, except on that brief, kind of bittersweet, moments he had with Hajime and that neighter of them was sure about the meaning. And more than anything at the moment, Hajime just wanted those lips on his, and those hands on his hips. He just wanted to kiss Nagito, _so bad_.

  
So he did. 

  
He heard the small sigh the other let out, leaning closer, shyly brushing his hand around Hajime's wrist. 

  
Hajime kissed him. This time, he couldn't escape that fact. There was no way to argument that it was Nagito or that they couldn't decide who actually did it. 

  
Hajime had took the initiative. 

  
_And_ he wrapped a hand around Nagito's neck, _and_ pulled him closer while they kissed. It felt like it had been so long, even if it actually was just a day without those lips. 

  
Hinata just wanted more, and he wasn't thinking straight (in any possible way) enough to care about what he was doing when he pulled th other by the waist and layed down at the same time they made out.

  
That was what they were doing right? It wasn't a stolen kiss in a public space. This was much more intimate and much more tempting and it made Hajime feel _so_ _good_ and confused at the same time.

  
It shouldn't be good. 

  
Nothing about Komaeda should feel like that. But it did. 

  
And they were kissing like their life depended on it, their bodies glued together and their pants growing tighter, their tongues entertwined and the small sounds each of them made being swallowes by their mouths.

  
Hajime shouldn't be liking this. He _couldn't_. It was completely out of place. So he broke off, panting with his eyes closed. 

  
He opened them, just to see Nagito blushing, with his hair messier than usual and his lips swollen, his eyes darker, captivated by desire.

  
What an amazing sight... 

  
But no! 

  
It shouldn't be! 

  
Hajime cleared his throat and pushed Nagito off him without any violence to it. Damn, he was still kind of breathless. He couldn't look at he other anymore. It was too dangerous for him to do so. 

  
"...Use the shower if you want to, after I change. Dress whatever you find to sleep. I sleep near the wall. Make sure to leave way before the Monokuma announcement." Hajime said, standing up and grabbing his pajamas as quickly as possible. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, this is a rollercoaster. Tell me if im being to rushed in my writting, sometimes i lack the ambience. 
> 
> ALSO IVE BEEN MEANING TO SAY THIS FOR A WHILE BUT ive seen some nice Komahina authors interact with this work... I just wanna say you inspire me so so much grr ily.


	5. Despair Desease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end hurt me a little...

When Hajime woke up, Nagito was gone and the bed was cold. Nothing had happened between them since Hajime simply ran off to the bathroom to change, both of them just getting into a silence that held no comfort or discomfort whatsoever, in a quiet agreement of just existing in the other's space. 

  
It's not like he couldn't notice how Nagito's gears inside his head were constantly turning, probably thinking about how worthless of him was to be in the presence of an Ultimate, or any other dumb crazy thinking only Nagito was capable of. 

  
Still, it made Hajime feel somewhat dull that Nagito was gone... Why? Why did he have to worry about a guy like Nagito?

  
He hated that feeling. 

  
Lazily, Hajime put on his uniform, and left his cottage to begin the day. 

  
Everything seemed normal on his way to breakfast, until he started hearing loud sobbing noises coming from the restaurant. 

  
_Despair Desease._

  
Truly, what was next, starving to death? 

  
Mikan grabbed Ibuki and Akane by the wrists, more forceful than usually when it came to her patients and looked at Nagito anxiously. 

  
"C-can you bring him, Hajime? H-he's in no condition to walk." She looked at Hajime with expectant eyes, hoping he would pick up on what she meant without having to actually say it. 

  
Then it hit Hajime like a brick. He would have to carry Nagito there. He was passed out and still had foam on the corner of his mouth.

  
He sighed. 

  
"Yeah, I suppose I can lend him a hand for support..." He felt his cheeks burning up. 

  
He carefully placed a hand in Nagito's shoulder while the other only shivered in response, his eyelids trembling slightly. 

  
There was no way he would walk indeed. Hajime sighed again. 

  
He asked Mikan for help, she letting go of the other patients for a second, pushing Nagito into a sitting position so Hajime could wrap Nagito's arms arond his shoulders and grab the back of his thin thighs, giving him a piggyback ride. 

  
At least he wasn't as heavy as Hajime feared, so he should probably be able to make it to the hospital.   
He felt the hotness of Nagito's fever on his back and a new profound wave of concern washed over his body. 

  
Why was Nagito having such a bad reaction? He was burning up and he was still very near to unconciousness, only eventually mumbling incomprehensible things and drooling on Hajime's shoulder. 

  
He would have felt disgusted if it didn't make him so worried. 

  
Mikan and Hajime were crossing the Central Island to get to the third when Nagito finally opened his eyes a little, repeteadly saying "I'm not trash" next to Hajime's ear. 

  
He had the Liar's Desease, right? What was that suppose to mean then? Why did Hajime felt some little part of him urging to ask Nagito if he was okay, to try and talk to him even though he was like that? 

  
Why?

  
Why did he care at all? 

  
Nagito betrayed all of them. He betrayed Hajime. Actually, he probably never was his friend. Every single moment was a lie. Yeah. 

  
So why some small corner of his mind still thought about the fond memories they had together? Why did he feel some weird sense of being wrong when he concluded everything they had together was a lie?

  
And why suddenly, Hajime remembered waking up in the middle of the night and turning his face to the side, just to see that same Komaeda that could scare him so much, sleeping peacefully under the moonlight that came from the window? 

  
Hajime realised with some shock, that he subconsciously chose to keep that memory much more closer to his heart than he should. 

  
Like everything about Nagito, actually. And again his eyes were closed, but it didn't bring any feeling other than worry to Hajime.

  
What if Nagito actually... No, he shouldn't finish that thought. He couldn't. 

  
Even if Nagito was a bad person - but was he? He should be, right? - Hajime would not be able to deal with him dying. It would be too much. He knew it would.

  
When they finally arrived at the hospital, Hajime placed Nagito as gently as he possibly could with his weak legs on one of the lobby's chairs and sat just next to him in exasperation and tiredness. 

  
Hajime was really paying for his sins that day.

  
After the group split up in two, Hajime saw Mikan carry a wobbly, half-conscious Nagito inside, and waited. 

  
_And waited and waited and waited_ between those white walls, and morbid silence, and bright, blinding lights that composed the hospital lobby.

  
Why wasn't he able to relax in hospitals? Why did he feel that pit of dread in his stomach, just like he was about to be attacked at any second? He wished to be able to leave, but at the same time, he was wishing even more to get good news from the Ultimate Nurse soon. So he just sat there, sometimes talking vaguely with Fuyuhiko, that was much calmer than him. 

  
It was actually helping Hajime ease his senses a little. 

  
Still, he felt it would be a painful day to deal with while the Despair Desease was on going. 

  
What he didn't know is that he would come to hate that virus even more, when he opened the comunication device Kazuichi had prepared just to see a unknown figure walking towards a stepladder. 

  
And even more, when Mikan looked at him with swirling, empty eyes, that made his blood run cold during the third class trial, the trial that took place because not one, but two of his friends had been murdered by the very same person that swore to take care of everyone that was ill.

Nagito was still getting a grasp on being "healthy" (as healthy as he normalyy would be) again. But that case... He knew it was different. There was absolute no way he would overlook it. 

  
There was no way he would let despair win. 

  
So this time, he did not hesitate in cooperating with Hajime and the others to unmask despairful, pathetic, Mikan. 

  
He felt utterly disgusted because he saw it. He saw her slowly becoming sick, her eyes slowly gaining the swirling dread of despair on them while she nursed him back to health. 

  
And then there she was, admitting defeat after voting time, talking about her beloved. 

  
For some reason, it made a shiver of fear run through his spine. Huh, that was unusual. 

  
She looked at him, pity on her eyes.

  
"You don't understand?" Nagito swollowed. "Is it because you don't have anyone to love?" She aproached him a little. "Is it because you're also someone who isn't accepted by anyone?" 

  
Nagito blinked. He showed no emotion, but his heart clenched inside his chest. Why, though? Of course he wasn't accepted. Of course he wasn't loved. He didn't deserve it. 

  
He didn't deserve any of it. 

  
Nagito Komaeda was a disgusting worm that destroyed everything and everyone that came close. Love and acceptance were not conceivable concepts for someone like him. 

  
"...What a pity. I feel sorry for you." Mikan finished, stepping back, her vicious smile larger. 

  
Nagito was glad no one was looking at him. 

  
Not only because he did not deserve other people's glances, but because he wasn't sure what emotions were displayed on his face. 

  
He just hated everything about him. 

  
And most of all, he hated that small eagerness inside his heart to prove Mikan wrong. He cursed that small part of him with everything he had. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG 150 KUDOS ALREADY! THANK YOU SO MUCH AAAAAA


	6. Funhouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate point of views again, yey! I missed that dynamics, but its a tricky one to apply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult to write. I don't really like to use the same overused scenes for Komahina fanfics, such as the feeding scene and the hospital one. The funhouse usually falls on that spectrum (although not as much as the previous mentioned). And not because I don't like when people use it, but because I personally wanted to try different interactions, as possible as that is for this specific ship. So I needed some time to settle how i was going to bring something a little more unique. That's why i wanted to foccus on Nagito's thoughts and feelings. I think we all assume (myself included) that Nagito knew how he felt about Hajime, but truly, it shoudl be a little more complex than that, because none of Komaeda's feelings are easy. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it. Sorry for such a big note,I just wanted to share my thoughts with all of you. This fic got A LOT more attention than I thought it would so I'm trying my best for you!

Nagito instantly knew that would be a trap. The way Monokuma was so conveniently going out of his way to give them tips about the mysteries surronding the island made it quite obvious that something was about to happen. 

  
But he didn't predict how much of a trap would it be. Well, not that he was going to despair over it, no way. Not only it was exaclty what Monokuma wanted, but also, it wasn't all that scary for Komaeda. 

  
It wasn't the first nor second time he got locked up with no food. There was that assassin when he was in middle school and Kazuichi and Nekomaru also trapped him inside the old building by the hotel. 

  
On those situations, Nagito couldn't tell which time was it or how much had passed. Nor had he got any food from his kidnappers, and only the assassin had been kind enough to take him to the bathroom. 

  
So this situation wasn't the worst at all! And it would allow the symbols of hope to shine more than ever!

  
But he was indeed getting sick of those pink patterns on the walls, so as soon as he had some free time by the second day, Nagito went to Grape House. 

  
He saw Hajime following a depressed Chiaki around, trying to talk to her. 

  
Nagito himself didn't think it would be a good idea to indulge any of the Ultimates to his useless ramblings, so he just walked around, thoughtful and distracted, trying to figure out the secret behind the funhouse. 

  
Not that he was doubting Nanami's deduction, not at all! An Ultimate like her was probably right, but Nagito just wanted to consider other posibilities. 

  
For exemple, what if Grape House and Strawberry House were actually right next to each other, just separated by the elevator that actually didn't move at all, just took longer to open to look like it did? Or if they weren't exactly opposites to one another, but stayed in a 90 degrees distance, all of that while connected by the tower? 

  
What if one was _above_ the other?

  
Not that he had anything to base our justify any of those theories. So probably, Chiaki was right. She was indeed much superior than him. 

  
That's why... Nagito didn't even feel upset by the way Hajime looked at her recently. No, that was actually for the best! There was nothing to gain from spending time with a pathetic bug such as Nagito. 

  
So, if Hajime wanted to be with Chiaki, that was probably the best decision ever! 

  
Maybe they even would become a beautiful couple...

  
Ha. 

  
He felt disgusting. 

  
Nagito ended up on the Monokuma Archive, sighing and looking around at the shelves. Nothing useful there, huh? 

  
He missed the library. He missed feeling strangely safe while accidentaly falling asleep by Hajime's side. 

  
God, why Nagito was this selfish? Why did he have that great need to be close to Hajime? He just couldn't wrap his head around his feelings. It was different from what he felt about the other classmates. He couldn't stop thinking about him. He couldn't stop wanting to get closer, _to be_ closer, to be _someone_ to him. 

  
Nagito never felt like that. He was usually very much fine with just watching the Ultimates from afar.

  
So why?

  
Why that wasn't enough with Hajime? 

  
Why did he feel bad about the fact the other was following Chiaki around with such a worried face? He should feel good, an interaction between Ultimates was sure to bring hope! So why? 

  
And most of all, why was he thinking about Hajime kissing him? 

  
Wow, that seemed like a forever ago. 

  
They didn't have much time to talk about it after. Nagito got Despair Disease, and then the trial came... 

  
_Is it because you're also someone who isn't accepted by anyone?_

  
Mikan's last words to him came back in a flash, making Nagito feel even worse, even though he knew that. He was aware. It shouldn't hurt. But it did. 

  
His head was just so, _so_ confused. 

  
The day before, when Hajime aproached him, Nagito just ended up talking about his pathetic life story and saw how visibly uncomfortable it made Hajime to learn about it, so he decided to stay quiet and distant for the rest of the day. 

  
And it wasn't like Hajime would ever like to talk to him about the kisses. No, he probably finally realized the mistake they were and that's why he wasn't even taking a second glance at Komaeda. 

  
That was good. Nagito couldn't have Hajime having any feelings for him. It would just kill him like it did to everyone else. 

  
But... what if Hajime was doomed either way?

  
What if Nagito already...? 

...

  
 _Oh_....... So _that_ was what it was. Nagito _did_ feel more for Hajime. 

  
He chuckled to himself, but he only felt even worst on the inside. Because he knew that admitting that to himself was a death sentence to Hajime. 

  
He was so caught up into his thoughts, he didn't even notice someone entering the room. 

Hajime parted ways with Chiaki, feeling grumpier than before. He couldn't blame her for not wanting to talk while they were trapped there, but he did want to spend more time with her. 

  
The gamer just made him feel at ease. It was easy to smile around her and they always ended up doing something fun and learning new things about each other. 

  
He could almost forget the situation they were in with her, and her smile calmed him. 

  
But it wasn't like he could force her to spend time with him, so he started wandering around. 

  
It didn't take long for him to notice the absence of a certain white-haired freak. 

  
He remembered the talk Nagito and him had the day before, about the other boy's past. Well... Maybe calling him a freak was a little unfair now he knew all of that... 

  
Still, it was so twisted. Even with all of that backstory, Hajime couldn't understand why Nagito acted so euphoric about it, like he had no remorse whatsoever. Did he really have such a blind faith towards luck? Hajime had mixed feelings about it, really. 

  
Actually, that could describe the way he felt about Nagito as well. He still couldn't forget the way the other wrapped his hands around Hajime's waist while they kissed in his bed. 

  
Or the way he slept much more peacefully by Hajime's side. 

  
But the sound of his maniac laughter was just as strong in his head. How to feel about a guy like that?  
He still impressed himself with not hating the Ultimate Luck completely. 

  
And with every single one of those thoughts guiding him, he looked for the other. Leaving him alone made Hajime very much nervous. 

  
He found Nagito by himself on the Monokuma Archive, seeming utterly lost between thoughts and somewhat anxious-looking. 

  
That almost, _almost_ , made Hajime ask him what was wrong. But it shouldn't matter. He shouldn't give much thought about Nagito's thoughts, it was probably something weird... Right?

  
"Hey Nagito." He simply said, fidgeting with his hands. "Do you... want to hang out?" 

  
The other just blinked at him for a second. He looked uncertain, and it almost seemed like he was questioning his own mind by seeing Hajime in front of him. 

  
Somehow, Nagito was already on edge. 

  
Hajime then suddenly remembered. "Oh, yeah. I got this on the Mono Mono Machine before we got trapped here..." he searched through his pockets, taking a small ring out of it. "It's the 'Hope's Peak Ring'. Since you like Hope's Peak so much, take it. It's for you." 

  
That just made Nagito look at him in bigger disbelief. In fact, for a fraction of second, Hajime could swear he saw Nagito look mortified over that present. 

  
But he accepted it, looking at it between his palms. A creppy smile appeared, and Nagito's mask was in place again. "You're giving me this...?" 

  
His voice was small and overjoyed, even though it was a cheap metal ring. "What should I do...?" The smile grew on his face and he pressed the ring to his chest. "I might start liking you even more..." It came so quiet, that Hajime was sure he wasn't supposed to have listened to that. 

  
But if it was the case, it would just make Hajime more flustered than he already was. What was that supposed to mean?! 

  
He looked at the other, watching many feelings passing through his clear eyes. 

.

Hajime was turning away from him. Nagito just knew. He knew it would be their last time spending time tpgether like that. So he just had to say something. He had to somehow say it... in a way his luck wouldn't get to Hajime. 

  
"Please, don't forget..." He started, watching the other falter for a moment of pure tension. "From the bottom of my heart..." Nagito took a deep silent breath. "I'm truly in love with" _You. You and only you. Wait, am I really? Ha... What a hopeless situation._ "the hope that sleeps inside you." 

  
He cursed himself internally. 

  
But it was for the best. If he had told the entire truth, Hajime would be certainly doomed. Not to mention that Nagito had just pushed him away on purpose exactly so Hajime couldn't feel any sympathy for him, mixing his feelings too much could backfire and make that action go to waste. 

  
He watched the way Hajime's body trembled at the "confession". Nagito could see all the weight Hajime was carrying. All the doubts that already layed on his heart. About his talent, his identity, his safety, and the hunger clearly making everything much heavier. 

  
Nagito felt bad. He was adding one more doubt and he knew it. It was so selfish of him, having to say something that would obviously confuse the other. 

  
But somehow, he couldn't regret it entirely. He just watched the other hesitate for a moment, still not looking at him before walking away, finally. 

  
Yes. 

  
That's right. 

  
That's exaclty how it should be. Everything was in the right place. 

  
There was certainly a brighter path for Hajime now that Nagito was a solved riddle. There was no other reason for him to spend time with Komaeda. He was free.

  
Yeah. 

  
That was good. 

  
Nagito... should feel happy. 

  
He should... 

  
He bit his lip, with a large smile on his face, and pure despair on his eyes. He wished he responded to those kind of feelings in a normal way. 

  
He felt his eyes getting wet and laughter bubble from his chest, while he slid to the ground of the Monokuma Archive, his tears and sobs mixed with the undying laugh he couldn't control. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why all of my cliffhangers are wuth Nagito suffering? Sorry highest kin :(.


	7. Final Dead Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAJIME!  
> This chapter is entirely Nagito-centric because I am a filthy kinnie :D
> 
> Also, this is shorter than usual, sorry!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

Nagito had been excited when he first got the file. He felt euphoria gripping inside his heart and fantasized about the smile Hajime would give him when he revealed his ultimate title. Finally. _Finally_ things were going to get better! 

  
And then maybe, just maybe, Hajime would look at him like he looked at Chiaki. Maybe he would get to feel Hajime's lips on his again...

  
Well that was probably too impossible, his luck would never allow him that much without taking his life away. He giggled to himself at the thought. 

Nagito hugged the file for a small moment, feeling useful for once. He was competent for once, right? He did something good! 

  
Everyone would be so proud of disgusting trash like him! 

  
He sat on the ground between all those deadly weapons inside the octagon, opened the file and began to read, humming to himself. 

  
.

  
.

  
.

  
Ultimate... Despair? 

  
_What?_

  
What... was that? 

  
"Ha..." Nagito's grip on the book tightenned to the point of bruising the pages and his body trembled violently.

  
He felt the laughter bubbling up inside his chest once again, but each time, it felt more and more bitter. He was having an episode and he knew it, but in all honesty it didn't matter to him at the moment. Not when something much more serious was consuming every amount of sanity he had on his body from inside out. 

  
Everyone was... even himself... _even Hajime..._

  
So that was it, huh? 

  
_That_ was the way his luck would balance things out after he won the Russian Roulette. He should know it would be sooner rather than later considering how lucky he just had been.

  
He didn't want that knowledge. 

  
He wanted to forget. 

  
But more than that, he wanted to die. 

  
The mere idea that everyone was Ultime Despair. Tha everyone succumbed to the dark, filthy despair, made him want to get that gun again and make sure it was fully loaded.

And Hajime... Izuru... Was their leader. 

  
He was the mastermind. 

  
Hajime Hinata. 

  
A Reserve Course that allowed experiments to be made to his brain so he could become the Ultimate Hope. How pretentious. That was not how hope trully worked... 

  
The disgust, mixed with jealousy made Nagito grip at his hair strongly, feeling the anger in tears rolling down his face. 

  
He hated every aspect of that situation. He hated every single one of his classmates. He hated himself, that preached about hope but was actually despair himself. Everything he ever said was pointless and meaningless to those people. There was nothing hopeful about them. There was nothing to save or hope to be born from them.

  
But... he couldn't bring himself to hate Hajime. That made him even more angry. How could he? 

  
How could he still be thinking about protecting Hajime?

  
Nagito considered telling him who he really was. But he knew that telling Hajime right away that he was the embodiement of despair disguised as hope would break him. And he had a class trial to attend. 

  
Maybe... 

  
_What a silly thought_ but maybe, just maybe, they could show some sort of hope during the class trial.   
Perhaps there was still some small hope for them... 

  
Perhaps... 

  
Perhaps he should kill them all if they didn't. 

  
Nagito looked around with new eyes, and his look stopped right at the fridges on the corner. 

  
His smile came back, stronger than ever. 

.

The look Hajime gave him when he revealed the boy's Reserve Course Student status hurt. 

  
It shouldn't. Nagito should take pleasure in putting him down. In calling him a stepping stone, telling him to stay quiet and reminding him of his place. 

  
He should like that. 

  
Why it just made him feel worse? 

  
_Why? Why? Why?_

  
Why did he still like Hajime?

  
He almost backed down when he saw those shocked eyes staring blankly at him, something clearly breaking inside of Hajime. 

  
He would probably never look at Nagito's way now. Not that Nagito cared, it was better this way.   
Afterall, they were all going to die, except for the traitor. 

  
Still, when they were outside Monokuma Rock, Nagito couldn't keep his mouth shut. 

  
He looked at the other that glared at him defensively. 

  
_Cute_. 

  
But it shouldn't be. 

  
Nagito sighed, frustraded, getting closer to the reserve course, challenging him with his eyes, searching for something in the other that he himself wasn't sure what it was. 

  
"I know you shouldn't matter at all, so why do I care about you?" He grunted out, hyper aware of all the mixed feelings on his brain and heart. 

  
Hajime looked at him, surprised once again, but in a different way. Nagito was too on edge to actually read the other's body language, and kept talking. 

  
"You admire hope..." _To the point of trying to become it yourself._ "I love hope..." His mind flashed back to the day before. The day he said he was in love with Hajime's hope. But that... wasn't true anymore... right? Everything was just hurting so much at the moment, Nagito couldn't decide. "In some ways we're similar" He saw Hajime's face contort in disgust then. 

  
_Oh_. 

  
Nagito didn't know it could hurt even more. 

  
Guess life is full of discoveries! 

  
It almost made him tempted to find out the extent of his emotions. How hurt Nagito could get? Hm... He kinda wanted to try it out. 

  
Nagito stepped away. 

  
"But maybe that difference is what's making me so emotional." He sighed one more time, looking away. 

  
Hajime seemed utterly confused, pretty olive eyes trying desperatly to read Nagito. 

  
But he shouldn't.

  
He couldn't. 

  
Nagito wouldn't let him. 

  
He would never let Hajime inside again. 

  
Loving him was hurtful enough. 

  
Wanting to give up of his plans everytime the other looked at him was enough. 

  
Hajime couldn't know. 

  
Hajime had to stay oblivious forever and both of them had to die without never admitting anything to each other. 

  
Hajime couldn't come to understand Nagito. 

  
Because if he did, everything would be lost and despair would win. 

  
Trully, Nagito understood Monomi's and the traitor's perspective, but it was to unrealistic. 

  
Izuru Kamukura was the Ultimate Hope and Despair. He would find a way to bring everyone back to Despair even if they healed of a while. 

  
There was no salvation for them. 

  
None at all. 

  
The feelings for Hajime might feel like the salvation Nagito so deeply wanted, but it was just deceit. Mainly because he would never be loved back. 

  
There was no love for Ultimate Despairs. 

  
There was nothing for him or for the others but death in the name of hope. 

  
Everyone should feel glad! In the end, their deaths would help the world! 

  
Everyone would get rid of the Ultimate Despairs and the world would be free to recover from every ounce of destruction they had brought to them. 

  
It was the only way for them to compensate the thousands of lives they destroyed! Give their own! 

  
Nagito was going to bring Hope to everyone else!  
That was something worth of being called the Ultimate Hope! Not experiments and signed documents, but the extermination of Despair for eternity!

  
Yes, that was it! 

  
That was what Nagito had to do! 

  
_Wow_ , maybe, _just maybe_ , proceeding with it just got easier! 

  
Even though he couldn't stare at olive eyes without hesitating. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is kinda all over the place, but I considered that Nagito would feel just as lost as I did when writting this. I find it hard to believe he just came up wuth his plan without considering anything else and without a lot of racing thoughts on his head.  
> I hope it isn't too badly written, I swear I can make much more sense than this!!  
> He is just a very complex character and breakdowns are different for everyone and I had to take into consideration a lot of things to make it right.


	8. Hajime's Cottage, Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow that was... a rollercoaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG 210 KUDOS AND THIS IS JUST CHAPER 8 THATS INSANE GUYS THANK U.

Nagito had been wandering around the island for quite a while, working on his complicated plan to set free the traitor. 

  
He was cought by surprise when Hajime aproached him asking to hang out. He smiled and softly rejected him. He couldn't spend time with Hajime.

  
If he did, he'd end up backing down. Also, it was better if Hajime enjoyed his time left with his actual friends instead of someone like Nagito. 

  
That thought would have hurt, but Nagito just shoved it somewhere hidden in his brain so he wouldn't really think about it. 

  
Though it was even more surprising when Chiaki aproached him. 

  
"...Hey, Nagito." She said, her eyes uneasy. 

  
"Chiaki! I'm terribly sorry, but I am quite busy at the moment." He chuckled, internally hoping she walked away. 

  
Just like Hajime had done. 

  
But she just stepped closer. 

  
"I won't take long." She said, more forceful than usual. That took Nagito aback. Maybe it was better if he listened. "I just... I want to remember you that you have friends. I don't know why but it seems like you have forgotten since the Final Dead Room... At least that's what I think." 

  
Nagito was speechless for a second. He just stared at the small girl. He felt a pang of jealously. Of course Hajime would love a person like Chiaki. Such a wonderful person that went out of her way just to try to comfort Nagito in some way. 

  
He surpressed that feeling, along with every single other thing. And chuckled, a little more strained this time. 

  
"I really can't see who would want to be my friend." 

  
"I would." She pouted, no hesitation in her words. "I am your friend Nagito. So... stop beating yourself up about what you discovered alone. Let me help." 

  
"...What?" His knees felt weak. That was a lie right? But she didn't sound like was lying. Chiaki... considered him a friend? What was that feeling? He wanted to cry, but it wasn't like before. He felt something other than the common anguish bubbling up from his chest. But he couldn't possibly let himself feel that. 

  
"Nagito, I am here for you." She said again, with worried eyes. 

  
"No..." His voice failed him and he couldn't breathe properly. That conversation had to end. He had to end this. Otherwise... His luck... 

  
Wait, why was he worried about his luck affecting Chiaki? There was a five in six chance she was an Ultimate Despair. 

  
He shouldn't worry about her safety. 

  
Yeah. 

  
Chiaki wasn't hopeful. All that hope she was giving him... was fake. It had to be, even if she didn't know.

  
That's why he was going to push her away. 

  
Not because he was worried his luck would take her away from him if he listened to her. 

  
Not because he wouldn't stand to see how devasted she would be if she knew everything...

  
That they were all Ultimate Despair. That Hajime accepted to take part on the Kamukura Project. 

  
No, none of those things had nothing to do with the reason why he smiled and stepped back.

  
"Chiaki..." He started, chuckling. "You really should keep all that sweet talk to Hajime. I am not worthy of it. Now, if you allow it, I have a busy day ahead."

  
"Nagito..." She called, and he looked away.

  
"Bye now." Nagito turned away, taking one last glance at the Ultimate Gamer. 

  
"Ah! Before you go!" She shouted, completely out of character for a quiet girl like her, and it made Nagito shiver. He hated loud noises. "Can you meet me in the lobby later? It's important."

  
He just nodded, already knowing where that was going. Those "Ultimates" were staring to get somewhat predictible. 

  
He walked away. 

  
It was for the best. It was for the sake of the world.

  
And he didn't deserve a friend. He didn't deserve what he had been longing for his entire life. He did not. He did not. He did not. He did not. 

  
As he walked, his emotions started to take surface again. He felt his eyes getting wet but he blinked it away, doing his best and succeding to go back to comfortable numbness and hopeful ecstasy of setting the world free of despair forever. 

.

Hajime paced anxiously inside his cottage. It was almost time for their plan to capture Nagito. He wasn't involved directly, but it still made him nervous. 

  
Nagito made him nervous.

  
In more ways than Hajime would like to admit. 

  
He jumped in startle as someone knocked on the door. 

  
He opened it, just to see the exact guy that had been haunting his thoughts. 

  
"Why hello there, Hajime." Nagito smiled, waving at him. 

  
"N-Nagito?!" Hajime stepped back, his mind rushing in a million directions. "You... What are you doing here?" He stared at the other. 

  
Nagito seemed... somewhat tired. He had dark circles under his eyes and his smile seemed strained. 

  
The white-haired scoffed at him. "...You sure ask weird questions. I mean... you guys all have business with me, right?" 

  
Hajime's eyes widenned. What did this guy knew?! "...Huh?" 

  
Nagito smirked. "Chiaki invited me to the lobby. She said she had something to talk to me about." He chuckled. "Everyone put her up to that, right?" 

  
All the alarm bells on Hajime's head rang at once. That guy... he found out about the plan already! But... that didn't mean it wasn't going to work, right? 

  
Should he play along? Why everything was so difficult when it was about Nagito? 

  
Nagito's smirk got wider. "Looks like... That's a bingo, huh?" There was something that looked very much like sadness on his tone, and it took Hajime aback. 

  
After all the time they spent together, Hajime was so sure he would start to understand the Ultimate Luck, but he just made Hajime more confused. 

  
_I'm trully in love with the hope that sleeps inside you..._

  
He remembered those words suddenly. But that wasn't true anymore, right? Not now that Hajime was a Reserve Course Student. 

  
"But it's good timing." Nagito sounded cheerful again. "I have some business with you guys, too."

  
Hajime frowned, even more confused and uneasy. "You do...?"

  
"If everyone's already at the lobby, that saves me a lot of trouble. And..." He stepped closer. "I want you to come too, even though you're not directly involved with the plan." 

  
Hajime felt cornered as his back touched the wall to stay further way from Nagito. 

  
"You... Even know that..." The frustration was starting to pile up on Hajime's mind. It was that weird tension again. That weird thing going on between them. 

  
"Just as I thought..." Nagito looked at him with pity and Hajime felt a sudden urge to force that look out of his face. He placed his hand on the wall, next to Hajime's face, much closer now. "You were left out, huh? But that's understandable. Since you're the only one who isn't an Ultimate, you've basically been left out from the start."

  
It hurt. 

  
It shouldn't, but it did. Hajime knew he should not listen to Nagito. That he should ignore and that the guy wasn't worth it. 

  
But it still stung. 

  
He saw Nagito swallow at that, looking at him, analyzing him. Strangely enough, he didn't seem pleased about making Hajime feel bad. 

  
"I'm only joking... Don't make such a scary face." He said, getting closer still. 

  
Hajime looked away. 

  
"Your joke... Isn't funny." He simply said. The closeness was making him feel weird in many ways. Mostly, he was annoyed. And also, again, frustraded.

What was the real Nagito? 

  
The first one?

  
The one that he had been showing to be until the Final Dead Room? Or this one?

  
He didn't know. 

  
"You shouldn't take me so seriously." He chuckled and his other hand pressed against the other side of Hajime's head, making him have this vision full of Nagito. 

  
He didn't know how he felt about that. 

  
"Oh well... Anyway, let's hurry over to the lobby. I don't know the details of your plan, so I'm actually looking foward to it." He chuckled again. Why was Nagito _so close_? "I wonder what you guys are going to do to me. When we first arrived at this island, we were friends that explored this place together! So let's go already!" 

.

Nagito said that, but he just moved closer. His nose was almost touching Hajime's, and he made no movement to step back. 

  
They just stared at each other for what it seemed like hours, in silence. 

  
Nagito's mind was racing on the inside. There were so many conflicting thoughts on his head, and he couldn't help but let a little emotion cloud his judgement. 

  
It was just like at Byakuya's party in a way. He knew. He knew he was going to die, and this time, there would be no escaping. 

  
He knew he would never be alone with Hajime like that. And he would never be able to analyze all the little details about that face he adored so deeply. 

  
Nagito was thinking so hard he couldn't really foccus to let his mask on. 

  
And Hajime was mesmerized and puzzled by what Nagito was showing. There was so many doubts in his eyes and a deep pain Hajime couldn't really understand, but it made him feel bad for the other. There was something else too. 

  
Something Hajime never saw. 

  
He would, if he hadn't turn his head away when Nagito said he loved the hope within him. 

  
It was foreign and it made Hajime even more confused. But it also really looked like the true Nagito. Whatever that Nagito was. 

  
If Nagito knew he was showing all of that, he would have backed away. He would have been sassy or tried to push Hajime away. 

  
But he couldn't really notice. Because he was hypnotized by the other. He was so, trully in love with him and he knew he was going to kill the love of his life if his plan worked.

  
And himself, but he didn't really care about that part. 

  
He knew Hajime was the most likely not to be the traitor. Nothing about their future seemes hopeful. But Nagito had to do it. For the world. 

  
And even though he wanted and was going to keep up with his plan, there was still a small selfish request on his mind. 

  
One he couldn't get rid of. 

  
One he felt like he was going to deeply regret if he didn't allow himself to fullfill it.

  
So he closed his eyes, took a small breath and whispered a little "Sorry for this" to Hajime, before leaning foward, until finding the other's lips. 

  
Hajiem knew he should slap Nagito for it, that he should not let him. But strangely enough, it seemed right. Everything about Nagito's recent actions felt wrong and somehow staged. But not that. Not the hand sofly going for the back of his neck and pressing him closer. 

  
The kiss was bittersweet. It was so full of emotions and Nagito had to give his all not to cry at the feeling. 

  
It was the last time. 

  
It was the last kiss. 

  
And soon it would be Hajime's last breath. 

  
He was cought by surprise when the other responded and wrapped his hands around him, responding with his own feelings. 

  
It was like they were venting through a kiss and Nagito couldn't not feel this. He allowed his mind to feel, just that last time. 

  
He tried to put everything in that single moment, pulling Hajime closer, deepening the kiss. 

  
Hajime was overwhelmed by all Nagito was giving him, and he tried so hard to get a grasp on it. To understand what the hell had happened to him on recent days. 

  
But it was impossible in a single kiss. Even though there was that feeling again, the same one from when Nagito was staring at him just seconds ago that left an impression on him. It looked like everything revolved around that, somehow. 

  
And it was what was making Hajime so interested. So eager. He wanted more of that. He wanted to understand that. 

  
Even though he shouldn't, he definetly _couldn't_ feel like that way about Nagito, but he did. He did and he didn't know what to do with himself, so he just kissed him back with everything he had until both of them were breathless to the point they had to gasp for air. 

  
"..." 

  
"..." 

  
Hajime tried to look at him, but Nagito still had his eyes closed and his brows furrowed. He clinged to Hajime like he was trying to convince himself of the reality. 

  
"...Fine, let's go." Hajime said, cleaning his throat. 

  
"...Yeah." Nagito finally stepped back and allowed Hajime to move towards the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will still make a fanfic where Nagito and Chiaki are besties because their friendship MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME.  
> Also, not like that canon awkward suspicious silence on the canons scene is what actually make me have this whole fic idea...  
> Not at all.  
> Also not like I heard Arms Tonite by Mother Mother while writting 👀.


	9. In the Warehouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SELF-HARM AND SUICIDE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chiaki is quickly becoming one of my favorite characters to write. You go gurl!

Hajime was scared. He was scared of Komaeda. 

  
He couldn't believe that was the same guy that was kissing him against the wall just thirty minutes ago. 

  
It was with a pang of dread that he realised that...

Nagito had kissed him with this entire plan already in motion. 

  
That hurt. 

  
Everything about that situation did. 

  
Hajime dragged himself to his cottage in someway. He didn't think he was going to be able to sleep, not after everything that happened in such a small amount of time. 

  
Nagito's laugh pierced through his ears still and his lips tingled remembering the kiss. 

  
He subconsciously leaned at the wall where the white haired had been with him, trembling and hugging himself, trying to get some comfort. 

  
Hajime was terrified. 

  
He was smelling like ashes and lavander. 

  
He hated Komaeda. 

  
Hajime _hated_ him. 

  
There was no other explanation for this intensity inside his chest. For this burst of feeling and for the panic settling in, and the tears pooling in his eyes. 

  
He let himself slide to the ground, his eyes unfoccused and his mind racing everywhere, the entirety of the situation he was in finally getting to him. 

  
Then there was a knock on the door. 

  
At first, Hajime's mind stopped, thinking that it was Nagito. 

  
Was he hopeful about it? Or utterly scared?

  
Everything was so confusing. 

  
Hajime swallowed thickly and stood up, taking a deep breath. He opened the door in one swing, fast motion. Might as well settle this quickly. 

  
Chiaki looked at him, worried pink eyes directed at his face. 

  
His shoulders fell and he sighed in relief. 

  
"What's up, Chiaki?" He asked, his voice failing him slightly. 

  
"May I come in?" She asked, a quieter and much sadder voice than usual. 

  
He just stepped away, giving her space to enter. She imediately sat in the bed and went for her backpack, taking two game consoles. 

  
He closed the door and walked towards her, before sitting by the gamer's side, a small smile forming on his lips. 

  
"Is this Gala Omega?" He asked, a weird nostalgia he wasn't sure where it came from kicking in. 

  
She hummed in agreement. "I figured it was better if you relaxed a little. So let's play together!" Chiaki smiled at him and Hajime could already feel his humor getting better.

  
They silently started playing, Chiaki humming the soundtrack without noticing. Hajime was trying his best to foccus, but he still had too much on his mind. 

  
It didn't take long for Hajime to lose patheticaly, his mind somewhere else. Some place where a white haired boy slept by his side while reading books. 

  
Chiaki pouted and whined loudly, startling Hajime. 

  
"W-What happened?" He asked, looking at the frustrated girl.

  
"You're not paying attention to the game!" She pouted harder, puffing her cheeks. 

  
Hajime smiled at her cuteness and gave her a guilty smile. "I'm sorry." He remembered why he wasn't concentrated then. His smile faltered. "I just... have a lot in my mind." He looked down, to his console. 

  
Hajime felt a hand on his shoulder and his head snaped back to Chiaki. She smiled sadly at him. 

  
"I don't know how but... I'm sure everything will turn out alright, Hajime." She said, her pink eyes filled with fondness. 

  
His breath caught on his throat. 

  
There Chiaki was. 

  
He could fall for her. She was smart, she was beautiful and she was such an amazing friend for Hajime. Honestly, he couldn't even see any flaw about her. None at all. It was even a little weird, but he liked it, in a way. 

  
It would be so much easier. 

  
Chiaki would not make him confused. Chiaki would not make him feel conflicted and nothing about her was extremely intense to the point of making Hajime dizzy. 

  
Chiaki was safe. 

  
And she was looking at him in such a reassuring way. 

  
Should he go for it? Should he... kiss her? 

  
How would it feel to kiss Chiaki? 

  
Probably sweet and calm, just like her. 

  
He aproached a little, gathering the courage, looking at the pretty pink eyes that curiously stared at him.   
Okay. That was it.

  
He was going to do it. 

  
He leaned foward. 

  
Chiaki cocked her head in confusion. "What are you doing, Hajime?" She blinked at him."Why are you so close to me?"

  
He froze at that, his cheeks burning from embarassment. 

  
"Uh... I-I..." He felt like he could dig a hole right there on the ground. 

  
Her eyes widenned then, like in realization of what was happening and she smiled. "Oh, I see! You want a hug, right? I figured you'd need comfort..." Her eyes were soft with something similar to pity. "Since you had your heart broken." 

  
"What?!" His voice raise an octave. He was not heartbroken, what did she mean?! "W-What are you talking about?"

  
She looked confused again. "I mean, you and Nagito, right? You two... clearly had chemestry and that strange antagonist-protagonist romantic tension typical of some japanese game genres." She said it so matter-of-factly that Hajime blushed from head to toe and he couldn't process anything anymore. 

  
That was it, his mind was completely fried. 

  
"I... I d-do not..." His voice failed. 

  
And then Chiaki came foward and wrapped her arms around him. "It's okay, Hajime. I'm sure you two will be okay. I will give my all so that all of you can leave this island together." 

  
He was so out of it, he didn't realise how she said "all of you" and not "all of us". He was just... so tired and flustered he couldn't notice that vital detail while hugging her back. 

  
A detail meant to break his heart even more. 

.

Nagito had finally finished to organize all the Monokumas in a line and started the music player the loudest he could, flinching at the loud noise. 

  
He hated that song, but it was the only CD on the island that had a rhythym capable of masking all the other noises that would be made. 

  
He sighed. 

  
"Oh, I guess this is my last time talking." He chuckled to himself, placing the Monokuma plushie next to where he would be. 

  
"Should I sing a song for it?" He asked himself, putting the lighter in place and looping the burnt rope on his right wrist before hand

  
He hummed a song to himself and then looked at the duct tape on his hand. 

  
"Oh, well. Bye bye, disgusting voice!" He said loudly on the warehouse, the sound being consumed by the music playing. 

  
He then sealed his lips forever, with a fake cheery look. He proceeded to sit on the ground and tie his legs, making sure everything was in place before grabing the spear with his left arm and clumsly doing his best with just one hand to tie the rope on it. 

  
He couldn't have any possibility of escaping.

Otherwise, what was the point? His luck would try to save him if he overlooked the slightest thing. 

  
He couldn't really sigh through the duct tape, but it was a similar sound that escaped him while he stared at the ceiling, at the spear above him, his hand going for the knife on his pocket.

  
He stared at his own reflex in the blade for a second, before making the first slice on his leg. Yeah, the duct tape had been a good idea.

  
This wasn't hard. 

  
It wasn't. 

  
Nagito had to do it. 

  
He had to kill the Despairs and save the world. _Slice_. He had to bring peace and love to everyone. _Slice_. He had to kill Hajime, Chiaki and everyone else except for the traitor to do it. _Slice_. He had to take away Hajime's future. _Slice_. Hajime would never go to college because of him. _Slice_. Hajime would never get a job because of him. _Slice_. Hajime would never meet the love of his life because of him. _Slice_. Hajime would never get married and have kids. _Slice_. Hajime would never grow old and watch his children and grandchildren become just as wonderful as him. _Slice_. Hajime would die a terrible, painful death through a execution prepared by Monokuma because of Nagito. 

  
He moved to the other leg, his vision getting blurred and the pain spreading all over his body. He gripped at the spear cord harder. 

And Nagito would never be able to kiss Hajime again. He would never be able to tell him how much he loved him. He would never be able to make love with Hajime. He would never be able to marry Hajime. He would never be able to grow old next to him. He would never be able to see the amazing person Hajime was destinated to be. The person he already was. 

**_Slice. Slice. Slice. Slice. Slice_**. 

He let out a particular loud scream through the duct tape. It hurt much more than he expected. Everything did.

  
But it was all for the sake of hope! So it was alright! Everything was alright!

  
Killing everyone else's and his own future was just a necessary step to the Ultimate Hope waiting for the world!

He moved to his left arm, being more careful then. Suddenly, he thought about Chiaki. 

_I am your friend Nagito. So... stop beating yourself up abou what you discovered alone. Let me help._

He wished he could laugh at that. Why was she so nice to someone like him? He would never understand. 

Nagito was disgusting. _Slice_. He was useless. _Slice_. He was utter trash and he deserved every single thing that he was doing. _Slice_.

  
He deserved death. 

Wow! He looked at the blood dripping from his arm. This one had been much easier. He was glad! There was no reason for him to be pathetic to the point of pitying himself at that moment. 

  
He had a job to do. 

  
He placed the knife on the plushie. 

  
And his hand went down.

...

  
Ah.

  
That hurt. 

  
Nagito contorted in pain for five minutes straight, screaming through the duct tape, involuntary tears leaving his eyes. 

  
And then, he was numb again. 

  
Well, not really, his entire body hurt and his throat was sore from screaming, but he got tired of caring about it.

  
So he just shut down his feelings, looking at the ceiling, letting his mind travel. It was the end of his life afterall. 

  
He thought about everything he could. He thought about the places he would never visit. And the books he was never going to read. 

  
It was not like Nagito hadn't accepted death. He was bound to it anyway. If not because of himself doing it, then the cancer would take him. 

  
That made him wonder about his memories. If Monokuma was right, than he lived a much longer time than he expected. 

  
Did he knew Hajime back then? Well, he probably treated him terribly if he did, since Hajime was in the Reserve Course. Did he know Chiaki? Were they friends?

  
Did Nagito have fun with his classmates in a world without a killing game? Without despair?

  
He couldn't help but wonder how it was like. Boring, peaceful days where everyone had to study and prepare school festivals. 

  
Had Nagito been happy then? 

  
At least a little?

  
Was that even a possibility for him?

  
Well, he did feel very happy when Hajime spent time with him. When Hajime tried his best to understand him. When he offered for Nagito to sleep on his cottage just because of a pathetic nightmare. 

  
Actually, finding happiness seemed deeply conected to Hajime in a way. His smile. His hands. His hair. His face. His arms around Nagito. His lips on Nagito's. 

  
Hajime. 

  
Hajime was happiness. 

  
Then, everything was worth it, right? He got to experience that, even if just for a short while. Even if he actually wanted that for much longer. 

  
_Yep, I am truly lucky_. He thought, smiling internally even with all the pain and his blood dripping on the floor. 

  
He started to hear a comotion on the outside. 

  
Oh, so everyone was there already, that was great!

  
Soon everything would be over. 

  
That would also mean... Nagito would be free, right? Of his luck cycle. It would never take anyone else.

  
He heard the door being opened by Akane and he just waited for the fire to start. He heard Hajime's voice through the fire and the music. 

  
Oh, what a great thing to listen to right at the end! 

  
Still, his selfish thoughts lingered on his mind. Maybe the most selfish one to come, but Nagito couldn't help it. 

  
_I wish I can meet you again somehow, Hajime. In another life. A life without despair and luck cycles. A peaceful life with Hajime._

  
The fire grenades were being thrown. 

  
He watched the smoke take a purple color and his mind started to get foggy. 

  
Finally.

  
Nagito was finally free and his luck would never affect anyone! 

  
The traitor would walk free and his friends would die for it too. 

  
And then the world would be saved. 

  
And then everything was going to be... 

  
He started to lose his grip on the cord and Nagito widenned his eyes, the poison burning his insides and his mind falling into unconsciousness. 

  
His left hand relaxed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry...  
> Also that made me realise how Hinanami ingame doesn't work realistically :(. Still love it in the anime though.  
> PS: The song Nagito was humming was Zettai Kibou Birthday, of course ♡ 
> 
> TELL ME IF THERE ARE TYPOS. IT WAS 5 AM WHEN I PROOF READ THIS.


	10. In the Real World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thsi is so poorly written I am so sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will miss writting Komaeda's thoughts for a while ngl.

Hajime woke up. 

  
He truly woke up, after a long time. 

  
The pod was open then, and he was welcomed by the sight of the Ultimate Hope himself, Makoto Naegi. He looked different from what he did back in the simulation, a little older, but the kindness reflecting in his eyes still was the same. 

  
"Welcome." He said, smiling. "How do you feel?" He extended his hand foward. 

  
That... was a strangely familiar scene. 

  
Hajime took the hand and stood up. And then he felt the weight of his gigantic hair, spreading everywhere. He stepped out if the pod and looked at it, being careful so it wouldn't tangle in the device. 

  
"Oh yeah, your hair is long again." Makoto said, with a strained laugh. "We can cut it, if you want." He looked at the other. 

  
Hajime could see that Naegi was not relaxed. His voice was being forced out, his eyes were uneasily looking at everywhere but at the man in front of him, and he kept fidgeting with his fingers. 

  
Hajime's memory was so fuzzy. But he remembered there were more people back then. Yeah, there were more that should wake up, right?

  
He looked around, seeing the other pods closed. He didn't really like those machines. It brought him some bad feelings, even though he couldn't recall any situation being near one of those before. 

  
"...Am I the first?" His voice was hoarse for not being used for so long, and Makoto flinched. 

  
"Y-Yeah... But I am sure Sonia, Akane, Kazuichi and Fuyuhiko will wake up at any minute." Makoto rushed into the good news. 

  
Hajime took the names in, and it was almost like it slowly unlocked his memories of them. 

  
Yeah. 

  
They were friends now. 

  
Hajime let out a small smile. "That's good." He simply said. 

  
That seemed to make Makoto much calmer, suddenly, and his smile widdened. 

  
"And trully, I believe that if anyone can wake the others up, is you." He said, looking at the other pods. 

  
Right. 

  
The ones that shouldn't wake up.

  
But that he was going to help anyways. 

  
.

  
It didn't take long for Makoto, Byakuya and Kyoko to leave them in the island. Like Naegi said, the others survivors awoke within minutes after Hajime, a heartfelt reunion that felt full of hope. 

  
Hope.

  
There was something nostalgic about that word. About the idea, itself. 

  
It was hard for everyone to remember some parts. Their memories about the Tragedy seemed almost locked away and very difficult to set free. 

  
And even their classmates that were sleeping seemed distant ghosts from the past in their minds. 

  
Fuyuhiko was the first to actually remember someone. It was his time of checking on everyone and how they were doing, when he looked at her. 

  
Peko.

  
Peko was there, sleeping. And everything came to him with the strengh of a lightening. Hajime found him when it was time for the shift change, hugging the pod, crying like a baby. 

  
It was a little weird, but it filled Hajime with hope he would remember too... That word again, huh? 

  
Why did it hurt thinking about it? Yeah, the ideology of Ultimate Hope was something he should fear, it was his downfall. But the pain he was feeling was very much different. 

  
It was like... he missed something related to it. 

  
Someone. 

  
He knew he was missing someone. His dreams very much said so. Foggy ones, that escaped Izuru's photographic memory in some way, that when were done, all he could recall was the faint sound of laughter. Sometimes calm and loving. Sometimes, maniacal. 

  
What did it mean? 

  
He did remember Chiaki. Actually, he never forgot her. So since day one, he had beeing scattering around the remains of the Neo World Program, looking for traces of her. 

  
He didn't know how many days took. Probably about seventy two hours without sleep, at least. But Izuru in his brain was more occupied wuth studying the files and got bored of counting, and so did Hajime, not long after. 

  
And at last, he found her. 

  
It was the first time emotion took him completely since he awoke. There were traces of her. 

  
It would take time to rebuild it, but it was possible.   
It was possible. 

  
Hajiem laughed to himself, cheering to nothing. 

  
He turned his eyes to the computer again, specially pumped up, searching through the mess of files that probably retained some of the virtual versions of the memories he lost. 

  
He started clicking aimlessly, anything about her would count. Most of it was useless: memories of buying things on the Mono Mono Machine, running around, the sound of the monokuma announcement and some random thoughts about his cottage. 

  
But he froze in place when he clicked on something.

  
Something new. 

  
Something different.

  
_Someone_ different. 

  
"Please, don't forget... From the bottom of my heart... I am trully in love with the hope that sleeps inside you." Hajime wasn't looking at the person who said it. He had his back turned away.

  
That voice. 

  
Which one was it? Which one of his classmates? Who said that to him? And _why_ did he simply walk away from that... that... _confession_? 

  
Was Hajime always that oblivious during the program? With Izuru, everything about that sentence made so much more sense. And there it came that word again: Hope. 

  
The feeling about that single idea only intensified. 

  
Everything inside him did. 

  
"More. I need more." Hajime mumbled under his breath, feelings his heart racing inside his ribcage and even more motivated to look through that messy programing. 

  
But of course, he was interrupted. 

  
"Hajime, it's late. What are you doing here?" Sonia said, coming close to him. 

  
Hajime stood up in a flash, startling the princess. "Sonia!" He shouted, a little louder than necessary, making her jump a little. "Who is this?" 

  
He clicked on the sound again, and that raspy voice repeated those words. Those words that made Hajime tingle everywhere and out of breath. He stared at the blonde, desperation and eagerness in his eyes. 

  
Sonia, in her end, was surprised as well. She blushed a little at the words. Hajime shouldn't show this to people so easily, it seemed so private, but she could understand why he did. 

  
She would want to know too. 

  
But that brought another aspect of concern. 

  
Hajime forgot _him_? Out of all people? 

  
The antagonist of their story? The guy that tried to kill them all and that ended up killing Chiaki? Her shoulders slumped and she looked at him worriedly. 

  
"Did you really... forget Nagito?" She asked, hesitating. 

  
Hajime blinked at her, and for a moment, nothing came to mind. Then it did. 

  
Nagito. 

  
That... That's right, Nagito. 

  
Nagito Komaeda, the Ultimate Lucky Student. 

  
Nagito Komaeda, the guy that waited for Hajime to wake up at the beach and introduced him to everyone else. 

  
Nagito Komaeda, the guy that kissed him at Byakuya's Party. 

  
Nagito Komaeda, the guy that turned to be a psycho addicted to hope. 

  
Nagito Komaeda that kissed him again at the bridge, and that slept by his side while reading books. 

  
The guy that had a nightmare, so Hajime invited to sleep in his cottage.

  
The guy that proved _not_ to be a psycho after all, but someone that had been through awfully a lot. 

  
The guy that said to his face he had no talent at all. The guy that said he still cared about Hajime even so. 

  
Nagito that kissed him again, in his cottage. 

  
Nagito that killed Chiaki while aiming to kill everyone except her. 

  
Oh yeah. 

  
Nagito that killed himself to do that. 

  
Hajime remembered. 

  
He remembered exactly how he felt when he found the body. 

  
All the time, Nagito was... a handful. All over the place. And exactly because of it, when he was gone... everything seemed empty. Dull. Boring. An endless void sucking Hajime down to his knees in shock.

  
He was unpredictible and marked his presence everywhere. And he did make presence in Hajime, in so many ways. Ultimately, he confused the hell out of Hajime. 

  
But to be without him?

  
To see his body mutilated and so agressivily misstreated like that? 

  
It didn't make sense. Nagito... couldn't die, on Hajime's mind. He thought he would be a forever problem in Hajime's life. 

  
That he would stick around, causing problems and being always one step ahead of them forever. That he would kiss Hajime again, and sleep by his side again. 

  
Why? 

  
Why did Nagito have to die?

  
Hajime couldn't understand it. 

  
And it just got worse. 

  
It just got worse during the class trial. 

  
There was truly nothing at all good about him, huh? Not to the point of redeeming him of all of the bad things. 

  
Nagito Komaeda was... 

  
A monster of the worst kind. 

  
He tricked Hajime in so many ways. 

  
And sometimes, everything looked so genuine. 

  
But Nagito never liked him for what he truly was. He thought the Hajime the was an Ultimate could be interesting, and that's the one he pursued. 

  
But then... What about that last kiss...? 

  
Probably a way to make him hurt more when he found the body. 

  
It had worked. 

  
Hajime was a wreck. And even though he would never admit it, he missed him. By the moment he was gone, Hajime started missing him. 

  
Sonia understood, in a way, what was going on with Hajime. Not his feelings about it, but the process of remembering someone that left a big emotional scar. She had been there. They all had. 

  
So instead of calling for him, she took the time to check the pods around them, since it was time some of their friends started waking up. 

  
And she _really_ didn't want to interupt Hajime in his insights, but something was happening. 

  
Someone had indeed woken up. 

  
"H-Hajime, it's Ibuki!" Sonia said, witha big smile on her face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not Zettai Kibou Birthday playing while I was editing this....


	11. Inside Hajime's Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, it's been a while. Hope you haven't given up on me!

It was good that their friends started waking up. It lifted the survivors' moods and really helped when it came to the logistics of the island. There were already ten of them, making it a proper place to live again. 

  
Hajime was typing furiously on his keyboard. She was almost completely restaured. He couldn't rest now. 

  
_Hajime, you need to sleep._

  
That made him freeze. 

  
Kamukura hardly ever spoke to him, unless it was of utmost importance. Usually, he'd just share his endless knowledge with Hajime and stay quiet. 

  
And the boy could feel him there, but he chose to ignore it. He wasn't mentally prepared to deal with Izuru yet. Maybe he'd never be. 

  
It was so hard for Hajime to feel safe in his own mind, knowing that the other could feel everything he felt and know everything he thought. 

  
And it was not mutual. Kamukura, overall, could mask completely any resemblence of human thoughts or emotions. 

  
There was one time, however, that Hajime felt it. 

  
It was weird, for lack of a better word. 

  
He was checking on people that still were sleeping and Nagito had a heart failure. It scared Hajime too, for sure. 

  
He knew it was a risk, having someone in his condition in an induced coma with no treatment, but he wasn't expecting it at the time. 

  
When his heartbeart started dropping, at first, he felt his own panic. He ran to the medical equipments, with shaky hands, until he felt it. 

  
Another sense of worry, much more intense and focused on the task at hand. 

  
He heard his own mouth say "Save him." And there was no time to process how his body was almost being taken over. 

  
And he'd like to complain, but he wasn't sure if he would be able to make Nagito stable again if Kamukura hadn't done it. 

  
"Observe him." His mouth said, a strained tone, and feelings that weren't his. 

  
And of course, there were those times. When Hajime was pushing himself too much and Izuru talked to him just for self-preservation. 

  
Still, it made a chill run down Hajime's spine. 

  
He sighed. 

  
"I can't. Not now." He whispered, even though it wasn't necessary. 

  
He thought it would end there, but Ultimate Hope seemed in the mood for chit-chat for the first time. 

  
_You need to sleep to work properly._

  
Izuru was being rational, but Hajime couldn't take it. He needed her now. He needed her support. 

  
"I'n almost there. I need to continue." He said, going back to typing.

  
_You seem more concerned with this AI than waking up the real people around you._

  
Hajime could feel the cold annoyance that Izuru was having. It was weird. Such a humane feeling for Mr. God that it almost didn't fit him, and it made Hajime on edge. 

  
"And why do you care?" He said back. 

  
Man, it was good he was alone in the room, he didn't need his friends watching him talk to himself.

  
He received just silence, but something was slipping. It was so subtle that Hajime was sure that Izuru didn't meant for it to slide, but that just made Hajime even more curious on what it was, since Kamukura never did uncalculated things or let anything slide. 

  
Worry.

  
It was worry. 

  
And Hajime rolled his eyes, out of frustration. 

  
Why of all people, Kamukura had a history with Nagito? 

  
Why did he always have to be on everything that included Kamukura? 

  
It would be so easy to say that all his thoughts about the Ultimate Luck came because of his other half, but it was untrue. 

  
Hajime was a little worried as well. 

  
Not because he cared about him specifically, but because Nagito could die.

  
Out of everyone, he's the one that could actually die if Hajime didn't pay attention. 

  
Yeah. 

  
That was the reason he thought about him. 

  
Nothing more.

  
Hajime sighed one more time that night. "Why don't you keep your highschool crush to yourself and let me work?" That was cold, he knew it, but it's not like Kamukura would care about it, he wasn't that soft.

  
_*My* highschool crush? It bores me that you are so unaware of yourself_. Izuru said, and then made a small pause. Hajime felt his cheeks warming up for an unknown reason. Or better, a reason he didn't wanna know. 

  
_Go to sleep._

  
"No." Hajime said one last time.

  
There was silence in his head and he felt Kamukura's presence lingering as a warning. If Hajime didn't take care of himself, Izuru would take over. 

  
And he didn't want that. Absolutely not, ever again. 

  
"... Fine. I will take a small break. But I won't sleep until Chiaki is here." Hajime stood up. 

  
He knew it wasnt enough, but it had to acceptable for now. 

  
So the boy stood up and lazily walked to the other room to get a juice box for himself and something to eat. 

  
There were bagels that Teru Teru, the third of their friends to wake up, had made the day before, so he just grabbed one and made his way to the pods room, to inspect the six that still needed to awake.

  
Hiyoko was the one next to the door. He really wasn't complaining that she wasn't up yet, specially since Mahiru was in the pod just next to her. It would be a nightmare to deal with the blonde without the only person who knew how to put up with her. 

  
Nekomaru was also in the coma still. Due to his heart condition, Hajime had to keep an special eye on him.

  
Impostor was sleeping peacefully by his side, his hair still blond like Byakuya's. 

  
And there was Nagito, by the back. 

  
Hajime looked at him and sat quietly on the chair in front of the pod. 

  
He looked so peaceful, so different from the Komaeda Hajime knew. That expression suited him well. 

  
Well, any expression did, Hajime couldn't possible not recognize that Nagito was very attractive, even though he wasn't going to admit it out loud any time soon. 

  
He sipped into his orange juice, took a small bite of his bagel and kept staring at the other. It was rude to watch people sleep in a normal situation, but where they were, it was necessary. 

  
Specially for someone with such a fragil health. 

  
Hajime caught himself asking internally when the guy would wake up. 

  
It was probably going to be a nightmare, everyone was still pretty much scared of him. 

  
But Hajime couldn't help sometimes and ask himself what Nagito would do in some of the situations they faced. He might have disturbed the peace a lot, but there was no doubt he was extremely intelligent, and in a different way Kamukura was. 

  
Because Izuru as a whole was fabricated, and artificial-like. But Nagito was a natural force and being. 

  
And Hajime kinda missed spontanious. And that was what Nagito was. 

  
His feelings were so mixed. 

  
Nagito did so many bad things, and Hajime had once thought he would never be able to forgive him. 

  
But as the memories of the tragedy started to come back, it had become harder and harder to do so. 

  
They all did terrible things.

  
Actually, many of them did much worse than Nagito. 

  
His first response for that was that they were brainwashed, while Nagito did bad things out of his own free will in the Neo World Program. 

  
But after he gained Izuru's talents, Hajime had to run tests in every single one of his friends. 

  
And he saw the exams. 

  
Nagito wasn't lying about his diagnosis.

  
It didn't make it right, not in the slightest, but Hajime could understand it. He finally could. 

  
And it was scary to understand. 

  
Because the strange feelings concerning the Ultimate Lucky Student got just more confusing after that. 

  
Having time to think was a drag. 

  
It made you realise a bunch of stuff you weren't really ready for. 

  
Like just then, while Hajine was sitting in front of the pod drinking his juice, when he realised a painful truth. 

  
He _missed_ Nagito.

  
He actually missed _him_. 

  
And that troubled him in so many ways that he had to look away from the boy's sleeping face, like he was sneering at him.

  
But he couldn't lie about that anymore. 

  
He missed Nagito and he missed the kisses and the peaceful moments. And even the hectic ones too, because they were filled with life and weren't boring. 

  
Hajime hated boring. 

  
And Nagito was the furthest thing away from it. Everything was getting too confusing for him to handle, so Hajime stood up. 

  
He was going back to fix Chiaki. While he was doing that, he didn't have time to think. He could put away those feelings and work. 

  
Yeah. 

  
That was much better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These food choices lmao.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments fuel my motivation <3  
> Currently taking a break from my other works to foccus on this one;;;


End file.
